Sometimes I cry so hard from pleading
So sick and tired of all the needless beating
I bet you don't know meCassie Audrey FIFTEEN. TAKEN, 030211. 130297.
LJ is everything to me. I like novels & the colour blue. I give (o) fucks to haters. I always get inspired by passionate people doing what they fancy about. I like to say what's on my mind, whether it bothers people or not.
— Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close
Besides blogging? CLICK!▼ Twitter
Blogs I adore.▼ IzushiNico
▼ Samantha Natasha Miles
▼ Captured Memories
Forever Doesn't Exist▼October 2011 ▼November 2011 ▼December 2011 ▼January 2012 ▼February 2012 ▼April 2012 ▼May 2012 ▼June 2012 ▼July 2012 ▼August 2012 ▼September 2012 ▼October 2012 ▼November 2012 ▼February 2013 ▼March 2013 ▼May 2013 ▼June 2013 ▼July 2013 ▼August 2013 ▼November 2013 ▼December 2013
Credits©2009 Glamouresque. All rights reserved.
Saturday, December 31, 2011
Ogenki desu ka?
No pictures in this entry, by the way. I'm too lazy to upload the pictures I've taken during Christmas. I'm sorry for being away for 6 days. I was so busy with the events & buying things school. Talking about it.. SCHOOL! 4 more days and, taa-daa. School re-opens. What kind of mind fuckery is that. I used to feel that holidays takes like forever to end, and now.. To me, it felt like 2 minutes. Obviously, NOT ENOUGH OF HOLIDAYS HERE. PMR is making this don't-want-to-go-to-school feeling even worse. Why is there nothing to be excited for school of 2012? Why is that? I used to think they do. But, now. I see hell coming towards me. Kuso. Screw everything. *sigh*. I wanna be a neko. Meoww. *slaps face*
So, what's the story? Hanashite. Email me, write to me, scramble a note book. I want to know. My auntie says that I'm not socialized. WHY. WHY. WHY. Stop. Okay. I'm not gonna make a long depressing entry. Macam budu ja. Aaaanyway. It's mummy's birthday tomorrow! & I bought her something I think that she might like. I hope she does. & I freakin bought a Birthday card that cost rm10 & a box which is rm7 & a ribbon that cost me rm4. Why so expensive? It's okay. In the card, it wrote
"It's your birthday, and you shall own the world..
My heart will do. Happy birthday"
I don't get the whole meaning of it. o__o say whuttt.
I hope New Year is going to be great. Though not going to celebrate it with LJ. *loudsigh*
hm. *deepdeepdeepsigh* *sarcasticsigh* *inhale* *exhale* okay. *pokerface*
Ki o tsukete!
Saturday, December 24, 2011
Meet me in the clouds
Places to go, -Osaka, Japan-
I don't know why, it just came like that from nowhere, and now. I want to go Japan. From my view of going to Japan is that, everything there is so cute, so beautiful, heart-touching, inspiring in every way I can see & etc with the most wonderful things ever. You just don't find things from Japan anywhere. Going to Japan would be the greatest thing I will get from my parents(if they can afford it), and I will forever be a grateful daughter.
It's on my wishlist already!
Sometimes, I forget who I really am. I don't even think I know who am I, or what am I. I feel lost somewhere in nowhere. I don't know about you but, most of the people I know, changed. People change, yes I know. It's just really sad to know that 2011 is going to end in a sad way, for me. Now it's Christmas Eve. I wished LJ Christmas Eve but she didn't reply. None of my friends replied my texts. It's okay la. Who cares about my feelings anyway kan. Even my parents doesnt reply my 'goodnight' already. Am I the only one going through this shit? Nevermind la. Haih.
So, what I did yesterday(since it's 12:37am), umm. Well, I helped my mom to count the coins then help her find each coins that are made year by year. I don't know why she wants it. But, it's a good thing I helped her or she'll be fussing about it. I don't like. OH AND THEN. I went to Karamunsing to watch my bestfriend Alyn sing in this somekind of competition. She sang well. She should've won. But, nehh. She didn't. But then again, it's okay. At least she has the balls to do it. Abang is here already btw!
Wednesday, December 21, 2011
I had the most delicious dinner tonight. Auntie brought me to Karamunsing because my cousin was invited to a party in KFC. So while waiting for him, we went to the Pancake House to have our dinner. I had Taco while auntie had grilled Salmon. Both of the dish was delightful. For my desert I asked for Lemon Tower Pancake. That was the highlight. That was the stuff. Though I had a hard time eating because the waiter kept on staring. It was awkwardddd! Like, WTF BRO. WHATS WITH THE DERPY ATTITUDE. He procrastinated his work. Bodoh much? But the other guy was funny. My 'tower' was falling when he was serving it. "Oh no. It's gonna fall. It's gonna fall." he said giggling. My auntie laughed & so did I. I went like "God save the tower!". Without hesitating, I sliced it into two and ate it like a boss. It tasted better with the lemon sauce. It was heaven.
So today, I decided to pick up some books and read it while waiting for a reply from her and a text from anyone. But, since I changed my number. I rarely get a text. Though I hate replying someone who would just text me just to say "Hey. What are you doing? How are you?" and not reply anymore. I just find that stupid & a waste of my credit. Even so, baby and I text like 5-6 messages and she stopped replying. I think she was busy. So I took my time reading till' I fall asleep. So I had a good long nap with 'Safe Haven by Nicholas Spark' covering my face. It looks terrible now because of the other day walking under the rain and my bag got wet. *loudsigh*
I think I'm back to consuming with arts, tattoos and music in all kinds of genre. & just so you know, I do not want to have a tattoo. Not now. Maybe just after I get everything settled down. Few days before, I've been checking out things in the internet because I have nothing else better to do, so.. Lets just rant about things I've figured to be a fangirl of, again. I used to love things like this, but people keep on saying that I should be doing something more. Something useful? Time helped me to get over this stuffs. Then again, I don't find anything useful to be obsessed about besides this things cause it probably is in my comfort zone already, you know what I mean? I used to stay up till late night just to watch "Miami Ink" with my brother. They come up with great ideas on how to make people satisfy with their tattoo. You know, I have my own taste in tattoos, mostly I love it when they make it because of some remembrance of someone they lost & love. Not just for the sake of showing off that they're brave enough to have one. Then you'll have a shitload of problems, I'll tell you. Arts, I just love looking at it. I don't draw. I just copy paste it. I mean, I only can draw decently if there's an example for me to copy. Music, I loooove jazz. I really do. Somedays, without knowing, mostly on some intense day I go through. I would go into my auntie's room. Put on some jazz songs. It's rare though. Now I'm in the midst of mastering piano. Hohoho. Don't tell me that this is crap cause it's not. Don't say I'm a pathetic poser cause I'm not. May I stick to what I fancy about? Thankyou. I am obsessed to more stuffs than this, I'll post an entry soon to get things more legit
This is a hell of a long entry. I don't think anyone would read this. It would be an honor beyond my grasp if anyone did. Hahaha.
Tuesday, December 20, 2011
I remember when we were on the phone..
"You're not like other girls. You don't talk much. You look innocent. You're adorable. You look like a good girl and doesn't know how to curse.. Until I met you. You're not innocent at all. But still you're different than all of my ex's. That's why I'm in love with you." she said. HAHA.
I love it when she tells me everything. I can actually feel that she trusts me. I miss the good old conversations we had in the past. I really miss her. You know when you miss that person too much and would do anything to see them? Yes. That's me feeling that, right now. Though I'll see her everyday next year. I still miss her. I miss her holding my hand. I miss the fights we had. I miss the times we spent together. I miss her being by my side. I miss her telling me what to do and what not to do, asking me to call her at late night. Her wiping my face.. Hm. I also miss walking from school to the beach with her & we never fail to have a good conversation on the way there. I just really miss her.
Baby, I'm still waiting for your presence here...I miss you
So,what have you guys been up to lately? I'm feeling a little bit better though my feeling is quite uneven(wait a sec. lemme turn the air conditioner on first. I can't bare with the heat). I couldn't ask for more or less minor situation to be in. I am not significance anymore. Fuck to that. Anyway, I'm seriously astonished by my cousin, mom and dad. They have this thing for 'biji saga(adenanthera pavonina)'. Everyday, they will be like off to somewhere to find it & not telling me cause they know, I'm not into stuffs like this. The first few days of them looking for it, I find it quite boring. It is. But then, now they have like tons of it. I'm serious. I will post pictures later if you don't believe what I just typed out(I was going to type 'say' but.. ya). It's a small seed lookalike in red. It's pretty. My mom and dad made it as a decoration. While my cousin just help them to find it. Oh, my dad even made a necklace with it. Though it doesn't fit through anyone's head. I made it as a headband. It's really nice. Now the house is full with red color, it's making my Christmas spirit even more intense! I hope we're gonna have turkey again this Christmas and shepards pie. For New Year, all I want is our family to gather again. But, it's gonna be a lot different this year I guess. Cause brother won't be here :'( *sobs* I miss him. 3 more days and he'll be back and 3 days being around, he'll be going to KL again. WHAT IS EVEN MORE WORST THAN FEELING HAPPY JUST FOR 3 DAYS. *deepsigh*
I want to post this in a new entry, but it's okay.
You know what inspires me besides Izushinico? The most best actress, Amanda Seyfried. I don't know about you guys but she inspires me in so many ways and I don't even know where to start. She acts almost in all my favorite movies of all time which is Dear John, for sure. Letters to Juliet! She's funny in Mean girls. Hah. But still. She is the definition of perfect. She's pretty & talented.
What is there not to be loved?I've watched Dear John 6 times. That movie never fail to make me cry. Especially when John reads the letter to his dying father. It was so sad and when John said 'goodbye' to Savannah. Oh Lord. It was more worst than when I cried when I lost something that is precious to me. Although, this movie is manually the reason why my fantasy is like no other. This movie is just wonderful.
Before I start to like this movie. Brother asked me to watch this until he went and downloaded it for me. But I said it's gonna be boring. Now I'm addicted to it.
-Brother: You should watch Dear John. Fucking awesome
Me: You fag. It sucks
Brother: Have you even watch it?
Me: No. Cause it sucks
Brother: You suck for not watching it, dumb ass. Go watch it! I downloaded it for you
Me: Please no.
I sound ridiculous. Then later that night, he went out and I got bored. Mom and dad was asleep. So was my auntie and cousin. So I decided to watch it. The next day conversation with brother...
Me: Fuck that Dear John made me cry sial! IT'S SO WONDERFUL *tears of joy*
Brother: I told you.
Me: K. Imma watch it again now. Thankyoubye.
And so. HAHA. Thou shall not judge anything by it's cover. ;) *wink
Kay, now I'm gonna enjoy my supper.
Monday, December 19, 2011
If I had just one wish
See that not-so-perfect circles? Yes. I am not perfect and, I'm sorry for that.
Leny replied my text. We were happy. We were okay. Until I said something that, hurt her feelings. Now I feel so stupid. Just great Cass. Just perfect. Just a perfect timing for ruining the chance of having a long conversation with her. After 1 week 4 days that literally felt like thousands of years not getting to talk to her, and I ruined it. I'm trying so hard not to breakdown. Well, I deserve this for being so stupid and self-centered. Haters, you can now FML. Karma, do your job.
Darling, if you ever want to leave, I'd consider. I know it hurts so bad right now & I'm sorry for being the reason why. But, just so you know. I didn't mean what I said. I never did. I guess the stupidity just overcame and took over. I will revere to whatsoever your decision is going to be. Though my agreement on what it will be is unnecessary. Since I know you're gonna take your time to read this shitty post cause you're not replying anymore. I don't want to be feeling like this the whole night and not be able to sleep. I hate it when I make you have doubts on me. Well, fuck the hard work. I just spent the whole 2 entire months trying to gain your trust, and, and.. I just had to say the word. There goes the pain I went through for the whole 2 months of gaining your trust, for nothing. Fucking hard isn't it? This entry contains a lot of cursing. Making me feel such bad ass. Hm. Should I just like give up hope on gaining her trust back? Well, I should. Cause I don't even deserve it. I don't even.. Whatever. Gaining her trust is one of my achievement for 2011. And, I failed. 2 months hadn't pay off. What even for 1 week 6 days? Yes, 1 week 6 days to 2012. It's okay. I will try to forget about this and learn my mistakes. I feel so utterly down.
Some days I miss you and all the good talks we have.
I still love you. But, what's gone is gone. So, yeah. I hope moving on
is not gonna be in my to-do-list in 2012. I hope
that you won't leave me. Will you..?
Labels: I'm sorry
Sunday, December 18, 2011
Be us against the world
Should have told you what you meant to me,
cause now I'd pay the price.
I miss you so much right now. I am tired of crying for hours every night. I sound stupid, yes? Sigh. Okay. Another week gone. Another week without you. It's fine. But, I have this most mind-fuckery feeling ever. Which is loosing you. No, it doesn't matter if you're far away, but it matters when this relationship is going to end. You understand? We went through so much. Though what I did to you in the past, you still forgive me and I don't find that in anyone else. But you. That is why I love you. Why you mean so much to me. This is intense like asdfghjkl. *cries like mad*
When you come back here, you said you're gonna explain to me everything why. I hope I can hold my tears back in & pretend to be happy as you tell me why. :')
Hello. Hey. Hi beautiful readers. I am bored to death. Let's get legit here. Get back into the real world. Gimme the brofist (^o^)m
Lol, I'm kidding. Anyway, I have been listening to 'The one that got away' since last night and, I'm not ever gonna get bored with this song. It drives me cuhrazeyyy o__o Fuck the whether.
Friday, December 16, 2011
Okay. It's been awhile since I see LJ. *deepsigh* So, how's everybody? 2 more weeks of holiday, and then school arrives. To all the form two this year, ready for PMR? I'm not. I really am not. Straight A's is what I aim for. So, that's a probably a very high achievement and very hard goal to score. Unless if I study. But I'm a fucking lazy ass person. This is fucked up. Still two weeks early to be feeling nervous.
Let me rant for a while. Though it's gonna be boring and meaningless, I didn't force you to read, so don't go on judging or giving bad comments about it. *wink*
Actually, I have nothing to rant about. But, I'll just say what's on my mind. I like to say I live in the present and screw happens tomorrow. I don't know where I'll be in an hour. This is just a cover. What it hides is the fear of doing, of being exposed, the fear of being found out.
Since the theme for today is Self-indulgent, I was born on 13th February. I don't remember a whole lot of my early childhood. Most kids don't. I know I was a weird kid who liked to walk backwards instead of walking forward. Crawling to be exact. That's what my mom said. I didn't know anyone when I was at the age of 10. I don't remember when I started to know a lot of people. I think since I got myself socialized. I think, I was better left un-socialized. Not that I regret knowing these people who are currently connected with my life right now. I appreciate the huge changes they made in myself. Especially the new few people I met this year. & because of some people I met few years back made me, who I am right now. I'll try to recreate it. But you know, when the moment's gone. It's gone. Apparently, I am sarcastic, I am also negative. Maybe I should have one positive day. I could pretend that I don't live in this world and then the world would be happy. They could smile and we could ask "How are you?" and don't care what the answer is. Writing this things sucks. My life is boring. Done reading? Okay. Let's continue by not talking about this anymore. Maybe just not now.
Fucking bored, fucking 3:45 pm, fucking Friday, and nothing of real value to say, anyways, fucking indeed. Do you know the song 'Criminal' by Britney Spears? If you don't go listen to it. I raped the replay button. I did. GUESS WHAT. This post was supposed to be posted like hours ago. But since I went for my piano class, so now I'm going to talk about it. It went well. Really well. Fuckin' mastered 'Jingle Bells'. Though it looks easy to everyone. But, no. Hah. Learned C major, and IDK what's the other one. I forgot. Heh. K, that's all for now. I'm tired my eyes are like half closed. I managed to make it through here with no spelling mistakes. Right? This is an accomplishment. I sound drunk. People say drunk is the sign of depression. Wuu. Right. Okay. I'm off from the internet. Gonna take my nap after talking to Azureen. Afternoon people! Gonna rant again tomorrow if I have the chance
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
Hello. How's it going peeps? How's your December going lately? I've been MIA for a while. So sorry for that. But I'm here now. Okay. These past few days, has been very confusing, depressing, saddening and etc for the worst feeling ever. I got highly contaminated with people that revolves around me. I miss LJ so much. I pity my eyes for giving out tears every night. But, it's okay. 10 more days to go and she'll be back. I will wait. Everyday I wake up, I'm one step closer.
14th December 2011
Just a perfect date, perfect day.
My cousin, Desiree gave birth just now to baby boy and they named him, Ozzyle McKenzie. Cute name for a cute baby. I can't wait to see him. Welcome to the family baby. You'll fit in this family perfectly. Desiree gave a natural birth. Forever salute to her! I bet she looks stunning now. She's gonna be a hot mom fosho. *wink*. We're here for you always beautiful <3
What am I excited & ready for? Christmas! One more week to go. I've made my wishlist, and now I just have to wait for it to come true. I just want to add one more & that is to be happy. LJ coming back before Christmas makes me even super duper excited! I can't wait to tell her things I did when she wasn't here. *smirks* Anyway. I've found another thing to be obsess about. Now I'm a total fangirl. I ain't gonna say about what. Cause, I know there's this girl. Who'd do everything I do. Who'd want everything I want. Which is kinda scary cause she said she hates copycats and yeah. A total hypocrite. When someone copies her, she'd be hatin' and when she copies someone, it's okay for her. I ain't spreading the hate. But she just have to wake up and realize that the world doesn't revolve around her. She can't always be having what she wants. She can't be having things that she sees in Tumblr. Though its not wrong to be feeling that way. But, she's just wrong. She has to know when things are sufficient. Then, everytime when people try to tell her, she would think that she's right all the time when she's actually not. I don't hate her. Just that.. Um, k. Idk. I'm tired of her drama. Betulbetul tidak tau malu.
Let's change the topic, you know. For the past nights, my dreams were so vivid. I could actually feel that I'm okay with my ex-bestfriend and in my dreams, she changed to be a better person. But, I don't think she did. I don't think. I know so. Talking about bestfriends, I really miss having fun with Melinda, Jacynta, Anatasha, Jasmine, Megan, Scarlette & Nicole. They're the most best friends that anyone can have. I swear :) Though I have a new one now. Cause of I'm not in the same school with them anymore, we lost contact and whatsoever it is. All the what-not's are making me miss having fun with them. We danced together, we sang together. We almost did everything together. Though what we did looked stupid, but everything with them is irreplaceable.
Saturday, December 10, 2011
Good King Wenceslas by Martin Luther
Good afternoon. Hello. Hai. How are you? I am tired. I am exhausted. I slept around 3 o'clock last night. I can't sleep even though I tried. I even tried listening to the song that usually makes me fall asleep. But no. It didn't work. I was in every level of hell until I decided to re-read all the texts from LJ. And, taa-daa. I finally get to sleep. I think I'm going to do the same thing tonight if I can't sleep. Rough night. Thou shall sleep within peace. Pshh. What am I shitting. Even so, I woke up around 9. And, you bet . It was too early for me to wake up. Sadly because I have piano class at 10:30am. At least something to be excited for. Talking about piano class. Today, it went well. Fun. But, the pressure that I gave myself was super, I can't even imagine how the teacher can bare with my stupidity. Yes yes, I know I'm just starting to learn. But, I can barely stand with myself and how can she? She must have given all her patience. I am a bad bad student. Piano, nothing is hard about it. Except for tha fact that you have to remember & try to understand the notes. Oh, I had a hard time. I had a very hard time in every bits of core trying to understand & remembering it. Well, passion has its roots. I don't know where to start about me loving piano. There's just so much to say. Now I am going through hell just to master playing this instrument and I can say, I love the sound of it. For just an hour of class, I understand a whole lot of new stuffs. I learned so many already. I just can't wait for the next 1 year. Mom said, she'd buy me a piano that would cost her about rm5000 plus if I master every single thing. So I am giving my everything.
Thursday, December 08, 2011
You know. Now I feel like drinking tea. Then read books. Take a very long shower. Eat. Maybe take a short nap. Go travelling or do something productive. I honestly miss going out and explore the world. The last time I was out of Malaysia was when I was primary 5. Why did even my mom thought of do travelling when I'm still lifeless, young, naive and so very unappreciative? I still am one but, at least my wanting-to-know-bizarre-things are intense. *deep sigh* a very bad timing. It's okay.
It's the 9th of December and, 3 more weeks of holiday and should be getting ready for school & PMR.
Christmas is near though! :)
Yes yes yes. Let's go to Narnia! You know what would I have in my Narnia?
I would have.. A closet that is big as 1Borneo. That is big enough. Ice skating ring. A unicorn that can talk. A lion of course! Tons of uncut trees. So that the animals can live. Oceans. Seas. Every beautiful thing. Even the little things some people don't appreciate. Um, then I would want a house as big as a castle. And it's in the middle of a big grass field. A windy place. Then I would want to have my Unicorns and Lions live with me. Then I want my field to be fill with bunnies, puppies, and other fluffy animals. I also want a Jet. I also want a door which leads me to anywhere LJ is. Harhar. Then I want a shop that sells all kinds of food. Yes? Hee. Wars? YES. WITH MY ENEMIES. They would only have daggers and shield. I will have bombs, shield, guns and.. Yeah. Those things. Then, after the war. My dear Narnia will be beautiful as it is before the war. Oh the fantasy. AND, I WANT A PRINCE CHARMING IN THERE. :3
Hehe. Very cute huh? I also want a fairy. So that I can wish anything I want. Just in case. Hehehe.
This relates to nothing
I am spamming my own blog with pictures. Even though this relates to nothing. I just feel like posting it. I think I should give myself a rest. I've been so busy with house chores. But I still find myself some time to go on the internet. Is that a bad thing? I hope not.
With my spectacles on. I feel like a nerd. I bet LJ thinks the same way too.
But atleast I get to see things better and brighter. I have been craving for 'Uncle bob' like for 3 weeks already. Oh my Lord.
Aunty is coming back from Jakarta tomorrow! I hope she bought me something. She always does. Hehe.
I miss her and I am tired taking care of Sean. He's been a goodboy but. Ohlord. He doesn't stop eating.
Okay. He's playing he's PSP now. I am here blogging like mad.
You know love. I miss it when we lie-down on your bed. Your arms were around my neck. We stared at each other's eyes. & we talked about so many things that day. We laughed. We even got excited for nothing. And, STOWIE TIME. Hahaha. Then, when I wanted to sleep. You went and woke me up. Saying you didn't see me cause I'm too small. Curse you for that. I didn't want to leave. But I had to and I'm sorry.
Remember when we were at my house? We watched Eclipse together. You let me lay my head on your chest. You put your arms around me. I miss that yknow. Late night movies with you was fun!
Now that my TV is 3D. We shall watch ghost movies. Hehehehe.
Ada ni nda tidur malam. And it's gonna be you. *sarcastic laugh* lol
I will wait. I promise
Well, as you see. LJ is leaving for Indon today. Sad sad life. But I will wait. 2 weeks at home. Do nothing. Oh, I should do a surprise for her when she comes back. I should. But I just don't know what kind of surprise that is pleasant. I'll figure out something later.
I miss her so much. I will slam dunk her when I see her. I will kick her in the ass. *evil laughs*
So sad that I don't get to contact her for few days. *sobs. Baby.
You take care okay? Don't do things you know I don't like. Eat as many as you can, so will I. *wink. I know you don't trust me & it's hard for you to leave me here. I know baby I know. *smirked. Promise me you'll come back before Christmas, okay? I can't wait to see you again. Come back here just how I saw you yesterday k? Then if I see you. I'll hug you tight. Bring you out and maaaaaaaaaakan :3
I promise to take care of myself, eat, sleep early(okay.maybe not that HAHA), AKU NDA CURANG JUGA ASAL KAU NDA CURANG, I'll wait for you right here. I love you always ♥
Tuesday, December 06, 2011
God, I'm torn apart inside
Kenapa bah ni? Aku try mau b'baik sama kau. Aku nda mau gaduh sama kau. Tapi, cara kau layan aku. Macam haih. </3
I admit it. I am over thinking. I think things through then end up hurting myself cause I'm trying my hardest to not hurt yours. I love you too much. Now, I honestly miss you I would die to see you. And you changed. Again. Why is that you always change?
Appreciate things you have before it becomes things you had
"Live with intentions"
Enjoy the little things in life, for one day you may look back
and realize they were the big things.
From the 1st day of 2011, I did not expect to have this kind of experience. Through my 14 years of living. 2011 is probably the best year ever. I went through a lot of ups and downs. But still the best year ever. Though I still miss 2009. It doesn't mean I don't appreciate the other good years I had. Just that, this year taught me so many. Mostly I learn that not to rely on someone and stay strong to face those ups and downs. I'm posting this cause it's the last month of 2011. I'm surely gonna miss my 14th year and hope to do even better next year since I'm going to face PMR. Even so, I didn't go through 2011 alone. GOD was with me all the time. LJ was always there with me too. Helping me, guiding me, telling me whats right and whats wrong. And of course my family & friends. So, I thank them for that.
Strangers > Friends
I remember how LJ and I became friends. It was in middle January. I started the conversation. Then we talked a lot more. Even though we knew each other only for few days. We were close like we knew for years. Which was the first reason I like being friends with LJ. I never had the intention to be with her. If you know what I mean. First of, cause my friend likes LJ. Second, I don't find that kind of relationship with her. The whole school thought we were together. I liked LJ as a friend. Until she asked me out. So I said okay. We still weren't together. Then, as we walked in CP. She held my hand and I didn't want to let go cause her hands were soft(and still is). The second she held my hand, I couldn't think nor say a word. That moment on, I stop liking her & so I fell in love. Oh Lord. This sound so corny but true. Im serious.
Then 3rd February 2011, 12midnight, Chinese New Year and I was on the way to fetch my brother in CityMall from work so I saw Fireworks. Oh the drama. *wink. Now we're together for 10months already!
Where is the time.
To know if I love someone? Very easy. But to prove it, not so.
What is it to a fourteen year old girl fantasizing about love? But then again, it's really common. All the fourteen year olds around the world are doing it. We are young & naive. Most probably have no idea what love is. But we feel what we feel and no one has the right to change it.
Beauty gets the attention. Personality gets the heart. I believe in second chances,
I just think that not everyone deserves it.
Don't cry. Say 'Fuck you' and smile.
Starting tonight, I'm gonna forget what's gone. Appreciate what
still remains and look forward to whats coming
Monday, December 05, 2011
I want to wake up next to you
I want to sleep with you. No, not do things like.. Um, you know what I mean. I want to spend all night talking to you. Laughing with you. Hug you. Lay down right next to you. Hold hands. Cause baby, surely you never fail to make me happy when I'm with you. You make me smile. I feel comfortable with you. I am me when I am with you, you know. And in the morning. I want to wake up seeing you next to me. Or maybe just go back to sleep. Or or I'll make breakfast in bed for you! That is nice too. haha. I miss you alot :')
I would do anything to see you right now.
I don't have the strength to be apart from you anymore
What is love?
What is love?
Hm, to me. Love is a feeling that you have towards this someone and would do anything to make them happy. You would be honest to them even though you know it will hurt them. Rather than to see them smile for something that is not true. That is love to me. I'm just gonna post some answers by actual children to that question.
“Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your French fries without making them give you any of theirs.” - Chrissy, age 6
“Love is what makes you smile when you’re tired.” - Terri, age 4
“Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him alone all day.” - Mary Ann, age 4
“You really shouldn’t say ‘I love you’ unless you mean it. But if you mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget.” - Jessica, age 8
Well, obviously I got these from tumblr. I just find these meaningful. I would wanna tell LJ this. But, I should probably just ask her to read this. Heh. She makes me smile when I'm tired. Alot! :) hehe.
Destroy what destroys you
My weakness is LJ. I don't know why and I don't know how. Back then, I was stronger than this. I didn't plan for this to happen. I didn't plan to love LJ this much. Not saying that I don't appreciate LJ. But, what I'm feeling right now is so unbearable. I don't want to lose LJ. Not ever. People, you might not understand what I'm going through or what I'm feeling right now cause I have no good words to describe how I feel. If you know her, please tell her I love her. :(
3 more days. 3 more fucking days and she's off to Indonesia. 3 weeks without seeing her. Without any text or call from her. What is going to happen to me? But, I am so grateful that I have blogger. Post as many times as I want. Really. I don't blog to impress. But I blog to express.
Vas te faire encule to you haters.
But haters gonna hate & I don't live to please you.
im not done yet..
Sunday, December 04, 2011
First day of period sucks :( don't you ever say hello or hai before you say something?
I am having the worst day. Fuck periods okay? This is making my stomach hurts so bad. Yes, I am telling the whole world. FEEL THE PAIN PEOPLE. *evil laughs*
I am currently listening to Man down by Rihanna. I feel like sleeping. Maybe later.
Aku rasarasa macam mau post tiadatiada bah skrg ni. Mau blog pun, nothing to blog about. Blur aku skrg.
Seh sial. Watlek bro baca ne post. Eh. Sakit perut aku bro. Bagus kamu telan sakit aku ni. Haha. :( Kenapa malay ni tibatiba? Aish, kesah kau. Blog aku ne. Nda suka, jgn judge eh? Ada button X tu sana besarbesar. Nda la juga besar sangat. Kalau nda nampak buta la. Haha. Aku merepek ni skrg. Jgnlah kamu ambil hati ok bro? Sayang cinta kamu <3 Kamu tau, Rabu ni aku ambil spec. Nda suda aku buta. Hahaha. Ntah la apa gila aku ni. Bah, suda. Stop. Cukup. Enough. Already. Remember when I say I don't want to over think? I did stop. For awhile, & now I am over thinking again. Bodoh tak? Sangatlah bodoh. Elok kan? Okay. Bodoh. Stupid dumb
Okay. Nanti aku sambung yeh? Okay. Muah. HAHA.
..don't ask me.
I don't know whats wrong with me.
Wishlist for Christmas
I want these for Christmas. Santa will give them to me. I know.
Friday, December 02, 2011
So here it is..
How are you doing?
I think I'm doing just fine.
Okay, I have everything placed in. Now I am settled down & free to blog. But I am tired like asdfghjkl.
Honestly, I just want to lay down somewhere quiet outside where I can see the skies and go to wherever my imaginations will take me to. I'm being highly defenseless. But do not try my patience right now as I am having the days of the month.
The picture above? That's the teddy bear baby got for me when I was not in the mood. She said something that actually hurt my feelings(too personal to mention it here). That was when we were at Food Court in Suria. After we finished eating, I went to the toilet. & while I was in, baby went & get the teddy from idk what shop. When I went out, there she was standing like nothing happened. Like she didn't go anywhere. Then so. I didn't talk to her all the way from 3rd floor to the 8th floor.
I kept quiet, then she held my hands. She said "Let's shake hands, it's the 1st of December". I just stood there and stare at her hands. Then I hugged her. She hugged me back. Tighter. I felt a little bit relieved. Then, she still wants to shake hands. After I shook hands with her, she said "I'm not sure if you're gonna like this, but. I hope you do". Then she opened her bag. & there was another blue bag inside. I didn't know what to say. "Why?" I asked. She said "You're mad. What am I supposed to do? I don't want you to be mad". She made me fell more in love with her and the story goes.
Mom bought a new sony 3D TV. Fuck that TV is so huge. I mean, I like it. But, she could have bought the 40inches instead of the 46. I AM BEING GRATEFUL OKAY. I'm just saying. Oh. I painted my nails babyblue. Really cute color.
Back to December
So December is here guys. Sorry for the late update. I wanted to post something yesterday, which is the 1st of December but, I didn't have the mood to blog & I have nothing to say. But since now I have so much to say. Imma blog people! :)
K, maybe after I get everything in place. I hope I get to finish is by tonight & get on
with my wishlist & stuffs I did for these past few days
But baby, where they knock you down and out
Is where you ought to stay