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Sometimes I cry so hard from pleading
So sick and tired of all the needless beating

I bet you don't know me
Cassie Audrey FIFTEEN. TAKEN, 030211. 130297.


LJ is everything to me. I like novels & the colour blue. I give (o) fucks to haters. I always get inspired by passionate people doing what they fancy about. I like to say what's on my mind, whether it bothers people or not.
— Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close

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©2009 Glamouresque. All rights reserved.
Sunday, February 05, 2012
Life

MY HEART IS OUT AT SEA

You know how hard it is for me to accept that? I'll be okay. Is that what you want me to say? 
I've went through a lot of heartaches and this one is the worst that you have ever given to me. I know I'd sound stupid for saying this but, I don't deserve of what you did to me. No one deserves to be treated like that. Someday, I wish I could prove you wrong. Then again, I will.
Keep calm and carry on.


It's been few days, hmm?

I wish I would just have one positive day when I could just lay down and get rid away all my stress, worries and insecurities. I just want to feel happy and alive. I have no confidence in myself. Low self-esteem that is. I tend to lie to myself that I feel like I am actually happy but I'm not. I feel lost. I tempt to bring myself down to the lowest level of my comfort zone. I don't know why I even allow myself to be feeling like this. I think because mainly of what I just said so, I attempt to make myself stronger to fix myself so that I would have something to remember when I die. Cause the goal isn't to live forever. The goal is to create something that will. 

Earlier today, I went and send brother to the airport 'cause he's going back to KL. I sometimes would feel casual, but idk. It saddened me to see him leave again after 3 weeks. Even if it's just 3 weeks, me and my family made it worth. I can't wait until he comes back permanently, and that would be in the middle of 2013. Though he annoys me so much. He's my brother. 

--- ---

Oh! I'm sorry I didn't get to update on the exact day of my 1st Anniversary w LJ. Ahhhh. Finally we're at this level. Second stage. There were countless times where I felt like I could just sit there reminisce those times we had together. Times where we make it worth to be alive for. You'd know what I mean if you're in a relationship. But sometimes, I tend to have flashbacks about what hurts me the most which I should have forgot about ages ago. Unfortunately, I failed to do so. Refraining the past won't make things any better once I have my unnecessary flashback about what should be forgotten.
 But I still love you even with how much heartaches you put me through. Although it took me six months to realize how I can make this a long unconditional relationship. I mean, we can make it together if we just trust each other. Kan? 

Did I mention that we'll be having our first semester test this coming 27th of February? Anyway, yeah. But I'm not determined. Fvck. Yet I'm consuming myself with studying. Everyone had to deal with this mind-fuck when we were told. Everyone was like "Astaga. Awal juga. Matilah." And some didn't give a damn. I'm like bitch yu ken go dai nao. It is sick to know that there's people thinking they can do it without studying or don't mind if they fail this test cause I'm here like giving my everything to gain lots of knowledge I can get to make my name in the first column in the list of "murid-murid cemerlang" or atleast to get my name on the first page. Gahhh. I am currently at the second page. *heartbreaks* Failing would be feeling like a shitload of problems and if I do... I will kill my cat (I don't even have a cat which leads to not killing any cat lol I kid).
I am too powerful to be defeated! I AM INVINCIBLE. *poker face* Me gusta. 

FYI don't even try to provoke me or I will do something illegal to you and when you wake up, you'll be waking up underwater.

Lol. Jk. Hahaha. 
But baby, where they knock you down and out
Is where you ought to stay